September 04, 2003 - 6:00 p.m.
Things aren't looking much better. There is a situation that is causing me to feel as though I am, at all times, suffocating. But one of the sacrifices I made when I started up this new public diary is that I lost my right to rant about people and stir up trouble. So I won't. Just know that this has been an unbelievably awkward week for me, and I'll be content with just the knowing.
I really need to cheer myself up and one thing that has always done the trick is video games. Recently that part of my life-- yes, video games are so important to me that they'd show up on a pie chart of my life-- has been pretty depressing, because this month the retail world was blessed with an unusually high number of new games I ache for. I don't have any disposable income until the 15th, and even then, I only have enough for... let me think... one half of one game. I have no Soul Calibur II, I have no F-Zero GX, I have no probably-lousy Futurama platformer.
But I do have friends. One of them even had money. One of them also works at Blockbuster and was able to bring games for the weekend. That person also called me up at work to say that she was "done with me" for the reason that I "am a jerk," but I said I wouldn't write about that, oops.
SO! HAPPY! GAMES! Games are FUN! I will now relate the story of my Labor Day weekend, based on the game that dominated each day.
Note that I DO NOT CARE IF YOU DO NOT CARE. Aside from a desperate attempt to lift my own spirits, there is a good reason I am doing this. And that is because I am a big nerd, and whenever I see anybody mention video games in their online diary, I instantly want to know more. Like any hobby, my passion gives me an unhealthy curiosity that makes me yearn for things that would otherwise disrupt narritave flow. For example, I want to know not only what game the author was playing, but how much he or she knows about it, what platform they were playing it on, and what they thought of it.
In the unlikely case that there is somebody like me, I'm gonna keep on typing. HEE HEE! Don't worry, I won't feel less of you if you stop reading right now. You won't learn anything about me if you read all the way to the end-- other than I think way too much about video games, which is something you probably already knew-- and you won't learn anything about my weekend, either, because although it was indeed social, 98% of the socialization involved video games.
Oh, I did go to a party, which I suppose could be a good story, but even there I spent most of my time playing Dance Dance Revolution. So maybe I won't tell that story.
I'll stick with the original plan. GAMES! YAY!
SATURDAY - This was Super Monkey Ball 2 Day. You don't remember this, because if you did you are probably reading my diary waaaay too much and scaring me, but a while back I wrote that I wanted to play some Monkey Ball because I had remembered the fact that it was awesome. I remembered because I'd found a website (now defunct) full of video replays of world-record times on Monkey Ball levels. These videos are full of jaw-dropping monkey derring-do. I was inspired to be a better monkey. Super Monkey Ball was the first game I picked up for the Cube, and I made it through the Beginner and Advanced stages and unlocked everything, but I hadn't even attempted Expert (or "Impossible") mode. When I recently started playing again I found that, like all good games, I got steadily better with practice.
In case you're not familiar with Super Monkey Ball, I will write about it now, because as I have already rationalized many times writing about video games makes me unaccountably happy, and I really want to be happy right now. The game is a very simple concept, almost "quaint," especially to people whose idea of having a good time with a video game involves a controller with 40 buttons. You play as a monkey trapped in a Monkey Ball (think "hamster ball") on a balancing floor suspended in the sky. You don't control the monkey directly, but rather you use the Control Stick to tilt the floor, rolling your monkey to the level goal without falling off. That's all there is to it, yet I can't stop playing it.
So on Super Monkey Ball 2 Day, we popped in its sequel. Amanda had rented it because she was excited about the prospect of Monkey Baseball, a minigame mentioned on the game's ad copy. Unfortunately her plans were thwarted by that spectral demon, Unlocking Stuff. Unlocking Stuff is a phenomenon that is fairly new to the world of video games. Sometimes it can be exciting-- I hear Soul Calibur II has a particularily well-implemented unlocking system-- but mostly it is used to pad out otherwise simple games as an artificial way of infusing them with "replay value." And it totally screws people like me, who love games but only have on average mere minutes at a time available to play them. Super Monkey Ball 2 contained twice the number of multiplayer minigames as before, but all the new ones had to be unlocked through the single-player mode. Since I was with four friends, we made do with the new enhanced minigames of old (Monkey Golf in particular has become far more complex and somehow less fun)... but bah! We wanted our Monkey Baseball, and Monkey Dogfight, and all the other games with frustrating red 'X's on them! Amanda suggested I work my monkey magic as quickly as possible in the single-player campaign so we could gain access, but I quickly found that where Super Monkey Ball is "difficult," Super Monkey Ball 2 is "evil." Not content with simple oddly-shaped floors full of holes for your monkey to fall through, Sega decided that what the game was missing was a lot of antagonistic obstacles and gimmicks. It's still fun, but it's less of a "pure fun" experience as the first, and so I didn't make it far enough even to unlock the first minigame. I did get a few spectacular finishing replays saved to my memory card, though, so I guess (as if there was ever any question) I will eventually be buying the game. And crying like a little girl every time I miss the split-second window of opportunity for passing through the level goals, which, no longer content simply to be resting on trying ground, now fly around, rotate, teleport, leap, and attack you.
Hm. Funny. Called on to elaborate on amusing and highly personal news, I'll stare blankly at my cursor or just type "ask me sometime." But get me started on video games and the words just come pouring out my fingertips like vomit. That's right, FINGER VOMIT. The WORST KIND of vomit.
Well, I've got two days left to go, so... hope you like vomit!
SUNDAY - This was Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour Day. This is also the story about how I narrowly missed the opportunity to experience F-Zero GX. I've played the game in the arcade-- belted into the swinging chair and everything-- and I have the Licence Card to prove it. But that only made me want the Cube release more. Anyway, here's what happened: Amanda had rented Mario Golf along with Super Monkey Ball 2 and so we had one from Blockbuster. Right before we were going to play it, Scott called me and said our friend Mikie was out purchasing games. Mikie had his eye on both Mario Golf and F-Zero, and he said he'd call Scott when he got home so we could play. "That's funny that Mikie might be buying Mario Golf right now," I said, "because I have a copy right here with me." Scott and I shared a "D'OH!" moment. We would have called Mikie back, but, not being cellular, he had called from a payphone. Of course, Mikie had decided on Mario Golf. Not in any way a tragedy, since the copy I had at the time was due back at a Blockbuster 300 miles away, but still. F-frickin'-Zero.
Anyway, Mario Golf. It's golf, and it's got Mario in. It's far more complicated than the box would lead you to believe; do not be fooled by Nintendo's primary colors. This is a full-fledged golf game, and it does not feel sorry for you if you suck at it. It's also sort of misleading-- if it tells you you've hit a "NICE SHOT!" you're probably going to fly far from your intended landing zone-- and it takes a while to get used to. But it's still way more fun than you'd think golf would be, especially since we had seven players (four to actually play, and three to make colorful remarks). There are only two things I dislike about it, however:
1) By far the most ill-concieved idea in the game is the Taunt system. Remember how in Mario Party, you could press the L button when it wasn't your turn and your character would make a characteristic noise? Remember how annoying these noises could be, when made repeatedly, like Wario's "Weh heh heh heh heh!" and Peach's breathy "Yaaaaay!"? Remember how once one person let loose with a taunt, the other two idle players would immediately add their voices until it became a deafening Taunt War? Okay. Now imagine that there was still no limit to the number of times you could taunt, but that EACH CHARACTER had a vocabulary of EIGHT PHRASES. And that you were not limited to one phrase at a time. And that in addition to the spoken phrase, a caption bubble would pop up over the screen. Well, you don't have to imagine how annoying that would be, because it's right there in Mario Golf. Perhaps the Japanese playtesters were simply more polite than American youth, but I can't believe they did not put a cap on the Taunting ability. The game is already difficult enough without three other characters' speech bubbles popping up on top of whatever you are looking at.
That's really my only real beef, because my other one (2) is-- that's right-- Unlocking Stuff. The game's box promises a very Mario-themed experience, with Chain Chomps in sand traps, wandering Bob-Ombs and Warp Pipes. The section in the pie chart of my life devoted to "Nintendo nerdiness" THROBS VISIBLY whenever such things are mentioned. But when we started up the game, we found that only two courses were available to us immediately, neither of them featuring Mario-related elements. I didn't investigate, but I really hope that the Mushroom Kingdom isn't trapped in the tedium of the single-player mode. I WANT TO HIT A BALL IN A WARP PIPE and then LAUGH when it pops out MANY YARDS AHEAD of the ball belonging to my FRIEND and then FEEL the SHOULDER PUNCH that I would then RECIEVE from my FRIEND. Why am I denied this, Nintendo and developer Camelot? I am no longer nine years old! I cannot devote my every waking hour to uncovering all the features of the game! Why, back in my day, in order to play a section of any given game, you had to select it from a menu! Now you have to work just to get the menu to appear! Grumble, grumble, I'm a crusty old gamer, and I hate Unlocking Stuff in games that are designed to be multiplayer experiences. Neeeehhhhh.
Before I go back to the home for crusty old gamers, I'll spend way too much time typing about:
MONDAY - Animal Crossing Day. Amanda sold a certain number of special somethings at Blockbuster, and as a reward, she was allowed to choose an item from the used rack to be her very own. Since she is a nicer person than me, she chose a used copy of Animal Crossing for Gamecube to give to me. She chose it on the strength of a particular customer who rented the game and then called the store almost immediately asking to buy it. The fact that Amanda thought of me then is just one of the many reasons I am so very sad about what has happened, but like I said, I'm not writing about that.
Animal Crossing is like a very Japanese version of "The Sims." (It's really more like Harvest Moon, but only Matt seems to know what that is.) You, the player, start out the game on a train, about to move to a new town full of animals. You don't have much money, so a town character gives you a house. He also gives you a very large debt on the house. He gives you a job in his general store and after running a few errands for him, you are free to roam wherever. There is no goal. Your main motivating force is making friends with all your animal neighbors and making your house look nice. The game takes advantage of the system's internal clock and calendar to amazing effect. For example, the Mayor gave us a present for Labor Day, and we had to wait until ten AM to enter the shop to buy a shovel. We spent time writing songs and composing letters in simple English ("Hi Boots! I like you! Let's be friends! Here is a present for you, it is a shirt! From Amanda") to our animal friends. The game is adorable and there is no way to die. It's also as complex as you want it to be; looking up information on GameFaqs revealed two pages' worth of intricate guides. For example, if you can correctly use the principals of Feng Shui to your advantage when arranging items in your house, you can affect your character's luck and the opinions of visitors. It's really quite amazing.
Funfortunately, HA HA, I didn't mean to type that but I'll leave it in because HA HA, wow, that's funny, it's a little TOO amazing. Neglect your neighbors for even a day-- and they will know, because they use the same calendar as us humans-- and they will dislike you. They may even move away. They will feel neglected. They will even make you feel guilty. The game wants so badly for you to become emotionally attatched to it. When I pointed out that Amanda wouldn't be able to maintain her town after leaving at the end of the weekend, she suggested I start a new one. Instead of a "Overwrite current file? y/n" box, the critter in charge of the menu warned us that if I were to replace Amanda's town of Pop'N with my new town, EVERYONE IN POP'N WOULD BE GONE, and anybody who was on vacation would come home to find THERE WAS NO TOWN, and EVERYTHING WOULD BE JUST AWFUL. I cancelled that operation, as would anybody with a heart that for some reason takes orders from video games. And I don't think it was neccesary to thank me for sparing lives afterwards, but it did anyway.
Well, Amanda did leave and I haven't had the time to boot up the game even to check on it. It's been days, and now I'm scared. Sure, they're only bits and bytes, but they are SO DARN CUTE.
I really can't afford to get addicted to something new, though, so Animal Crossing will have to wait before it can be my friend again.
Oh geez. Look at that scroll bar. I can't have written that much! Oh... I did. Well... I guess I needed that. It's good to distract myself. There are precious few distractions at my job.
Oh, and I'll be ready to be social by tomorrow afternoon. So don't worry about getting another video game rant anytime soon.
At least not until I buy F-Zero. Heh heh.
